Brendan's younger brother had taken his own life and the book detailed Brendan's attempt to come to terms with this appalling tragedy, while walking a pilgrims way around Camino de Santiago, an 800-kilometre walk in Northern Spain A physical endurance test that marries faith and determination and which demands much of those taking part. Grief can overwhelm, it is often cruel and merciless, we know the destination we hope to reach we we embark on the rocky path to recovery but in so many ways the loss is irreconcilable. Grief can be like a bullet fired from a gun we know was not designed for the job. We hope the projectile will weave, twist and turn along the way and find that which we aimed for. A magic bullet fired from the human heart.
Brendan records his journey, an old school step by step pilgrimage that tests him in oh so many ways.It is not a journey where he must descend into the layers of hell, he does not leap Gustav Dore inspired pits of the burning dead with lakes of fire stoked by demons. It is not just about the right footwear or the correct sponsorship, although both are essential, it is also about opening oneself to self inflicted hardship and frugality. You have to be willing to push forward when you just feel like laying down and yet somehow remain within your own limitations. It is a spiritual boot-camp, I suppose. No one arrives at a bootcamp a soldier, you only become one if you stick it out. Same with being a pilgrim, you have to stick it out, or else you are just a walker. You have to be able to open yourself to change and all the risks that implies. Sometimes regeneration is only possible from the wreckage of our lives. And as I said, The Camino does demand much from those who take part. There are Camino "rules", expectations that raise a walker to the status of a pilgrim, in the same way monkish rules make the difference between being a brother or a sister and a misanthrope. We are what we are but we can be so much more. And Brendan's pilgrim's path is certainly an exploration of these themes as he pushes the fourth wall of self realization. As he seeks the ear of a higher being, his strength like a candle flame remaining alight in a harsh and cutting wind that bites like a hungry dog. Whether you climb on the shoulders of giants or walk in the steps of saints, the peace of mind the grieving seek can be elusive. And you cannot fool yourself. It must be the real thing.
Brendan is looking for the real thing. And one of the heaviest things he carries is a Barcelona FC tee-shirt he carries with him, one that belonged to the beloved brother he lost. He does this with a clear reason in mind, one solid fixed point in the shifting fog of grief. And the Camino teaches him how to carry these weights when we must and all importantly when not to, when to let go. That there is regeneration and renewal to be found in this world. The road to that state of being will be different for everyone and there are no guarantees, hostage as we are to our emotions. Its a wild hunt, human nature raw in tooth and claw and affordable footwear. And the resounding refrain of the human heart; Why do we value love so highly when it hurts so much?
St Ignatius of Loyola offers a series of guidelines, ten pointers to help you negotiate the Pilgrim's Path, that may or may not, lead you to the answers you seek. The answers whose only validity may be judged by those who ask the questions.
My mate Scratch once offered a guideline of his own.Just the one; God answers every prayer, he just mostly says no.
I think I prefer what St Ignatious had to offer more.
