Thursday 21 August 2014

Lovely New Catholic Knees.

I am laying on my back on an operating table surrounded by a team of gowned and masked Doctors and Nurses. I am numb from the waist down on the cusp of a drug induced fugue. A thought occurs and I feebly ask one of the nurses a question.
            CAN YOU CHOOSE THE SHAPE OF YOUR NEW KNEES?
            IS THERE A PARTICULAR SHAPE YOU HAD IN MIND?
            WELL I WAS THINKING SINCE I WAS BROUGHT UP A CATHOLIC IF I HAD SQUARE KNEES I COULD DO MY CATHOLIC THING ANYTIME I FELT THE MIGHTY POWER OF THE VATICAN FLOWING THROUGH ME.
             So many places where square knees would come in handy; Escalators in malls, skyscraper window ledges, alien constructed steps in lost Mayan temples, The Giants Causeway, the top of a fez, Morrissey cds. Anywhere worth bending a knee in respect or praise beyond the ordinary.
             She squeezed my arm gently and nodded her head wisely.
             WELL NOW WE WILL SEE WHAT WE CAN DO.
             I think she was perhaps humoring me as my innovative surgical and religious suggestion was not taken on board. I checked as soon as I woke up.
             Maybe the world is just not ready.