Friday, 22 March 2013
Who is this Who is coming.
A while ago the Belfast Telegraph did an article on the return of the show to television. Way back in 2005 when the Doctor wore Christopher Eccelson's excellent head. They somehow found out I had a full size replica of the Tardis in my home (not as weird as it sounds. I saved it from being skipped). Up they came, pictures were taken, words were written and my face ended up as chip wrapping.
About a month after that I was out for the night, getting drunk in The Grand Old Duke Of York. I was at the urinal, doing what one does at the urinal, when I became aware of the bloke standing at the urinal next to the one I was using, staring intently at me. Or is it staring at me with intent? Whatever. He was staring at my face not at what I was holding in my hand. A piece of my anatomy I have always felt is altogether more impressive than my ugly mug. I heard him step away and mumble something to his mates who were loitering around the hand dryer, mirror and sink.
Now I reasonably thought OH HERE WE GO. It would not be the first time I was cornered in a public place by unsubs hellbent on breaking me for some perceived slight or offence my very presence engenders. I have been at some point insulted or assaulted in almost every possible public place. As I say it is probably my ugly old mug. An unspoken invitation to abuse.
I hoped I could give a good account of myself and live to fight another day. It is my mantra in such situations. Part Libertine part musketeer all dodo.
HERE MATE ARE YOU THAT BLOKE WHO HAS A TARDIS IN HIS HOUSE?
YES.YES I AM.
YOU COULD'NT TAKE US AWAY SOMEWHERE COULD YOU?
WHERE WOULD YOU WANT TO GO?
ANYWHERE BUT HERE.
I AM SORRY.THE DEMATERIALISATION CIRCUIT IN IT IS BROKEN.IT DOES NOT WORK. I HAVE BEEN TRYING TO FIX IT BUT I HAVE TROUBLE WIRING A PLUG.
IT IS NOT GOING ANYWHERE I AM AFRAID.
There was much laughter and I even got an affectionate slap on the back.
Much preferable to a not very affectionate slap in the face.
It was not a big article in the Telegraph. Just a bit of light relief amongst the usual gloom and doom. I marvelled that anyone who did not already know me would even know me from the piece. Especially in such a random fashion in such a random location.
I found it oddly moving too because the request was put in such a wrenching fashion as though the weight of where they were in this life was a hard weight to bear.
TAKE US AWAY.
Is this a clue to the enduring popularity and longevity of the man from gallifrey? The ability to be anywhere. To go any where and any when. To live in an old battered blue police box that wheezes and groans but whizzes and flies with no limit to the endless horizons.
ANYWHERE BUT HERE.
Is it also possible that more people identify with the assistants and companions than the Doctor himself? Basking in the knowledge that in his company you can go anywhere. However he looks.
Someone recently asked me what I would like to see in this the 50th anniversary year.
The return of past Doctors? A multi-Doctor crossover? The Time War? A fully functioning Tardis that materialises in Belfast?
I have to say I would really like to see the return of Alonso Frame. I would really like to see Alonso properly on board the Tardis. Travelling through time and space as a proper full time male companion. The time was never better for a gay male companion for the Doctor.Not neccessarily as an object of affection for the Doctor just as a component of the companion's character.
Handsome brave Alonso. An alien himself who just happens to look human. As played by the amazing Russell Tovey. As George the Werewolf in Being Human he was not afraid of baring his bum either. And what a lovely bum it was too.
I am not discounting Captain Jacks sojourn in the Tardis. In character and acceptance terms he was a massive leap forward. Jack was omnisexual though which throws out a net the universe wide and actually diminishes any possibility of offense as he is practically pan-dimensional. Time for a modest wee gay bloke on board the Blue Box.
You could actually have a scene that shows the Doctor in shirt sleeves working beneath the Tardis console when he hears the distant refrain of music thudding from the depths of the Tardis. He wanders down the labyrinthine Tardis interiors following the strains of Electric Six' Gay Bar!Gay Bar!He pauses outside a door with a note pinned saying IF THE RELATIVE DIMENSIONS ARE A ROCKIN DONT COME A KNOCKIN. But since he owns the place he pushes open the door to reveal Alonso, Captain Jack and Alexander the Great getting it on.
ER,WHATS GOING ON? asks the Doctor.
C'MON IN DOCTOR WE ARE HEADING FOR THE BIGGEST BANG IN HISTORY!
Thats not being rude by the way. If you are familiar with classic Who it has context.
It probably also explains why no-one will ever hire me to write Who.
It will survive without me. It will outlast us all. It has run for fifty years and if that be the humor of it it will run for fifty more.